@joemcshutup: Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM
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@Cryptic1iam: Me: I've read the Bible cover to cover Her: Yeah? Prove it. M: How? H: What is the first sentence in it? M: "Do not remove from motel"
@sarcasticmommy4: My family went camping & left me home alone, like I'd be missing out. Oh please, don't leave me home with electricity & running water.
@dumbbeezie: Shopping with friend "Look, triangle-shaped tupperware for your leftover pizza!" Me: "What's leftover pizza?
@WheelTod: I was born a woman, which came as a tremendous shock to my parents as they'd been expecting a baby.