@ZWindsor_: Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Me- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out"
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@InternetHippo: “When someone is mad at you, that’s THEIR problem” and other advice from my upcoming book, ‘Where Did All My Friends Go’
@Manali_Shetye5: Me: I have to lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise everyday. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym. Me: Is that cake?
@0point5twins: "Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
@AnkCoupleTO: *84th flr* CW: You look sad, can I cheer you up? M: Heard Van Halen's "Jump"? CW: Sure! Me: Jump out that window and sing it on the way down