@KevinGetem: Teachers call it "Going to the bathroom". We call it "I'm bored, I'm gonna go wander around school."
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@ThisLocalHater: The theme from Jaws plays eerily in the distance, only to reveal me approaching an open bar at a wedding.
@GoldenSpirals: [At Doctor] Me:I'm having chest pain Doc:Did you buy a new bra? Me:Yes! Thanks for noticing! Doc:I meant it could be causing the pain Me:Oh
@causticbob: Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro's grave.. Must be a communist plot.