@KevinGetem: Teachers call it "Going to the bathroom". We call it "I'm bored, I'm gonna go wander around school."
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@UncleDuke1969: "I'm calling you because you're easy." "You're not even very good." "You're just the best I can do this late." Dominos: "Your order, Sir?"
@_mindflakes: "Please stop misquoting me on Twitter," said my boss. "It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"
@korryduke: Do you smell smoke? I always say that when I fart. It makes people take a deep breath.
@meganamram: I have a friend visiting from out of town. What's your fave place in LA to look at your phone??