@funnyordie: Teamwork makes the dream work.
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@StarksWeek: "Holy shit, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
@StrawburyDelite: Damn Shakira is doing Activia commercials too now. With all that belly dancing, you'd think she'd be able to shit. Who knew.
@Michael_Erhart: Girl: I only date guys who can ice skate and make puns. Me: *sighs and reluctantly starts putting on skates* "Figures."