@living_marble: Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.
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@emceekayvee: Gym employee: Sorry ma'am, but to cancel your membership you have to come in & fill out paperwork. Me:*sigh* FINE. Where are you located?
@HatfieldAnne: Life Lessons from the Petting Zoo: -Everything bites -So much pushing -Did you bring quarters? -OMG, goats have the weirdest pupils
@QwertyJones3: Whenever I tell her that I want to put my Butterfinger into her MilkyWay, she Snickers.
@myonlymizztake: I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public.