@primawesome: I treat going to a therapist like going to a mechanic. "So, It's been making some odd sounds and I'm sure it's on the verge of a breakdown."

@rancheroni: football coach: i need you guys to make a play (8 months later at opening night) football coach: wait wtf is this

@BoogTweets: [Interrogation] Cop: this guy looks like a cop if you ask me *intercom* you need to be on this side of the mirror, Carl

@Shanehasabeard: The Lay's Flavor Contest is back!

@BackrowSeats: Some people might find a grown man talking to himself strange, & it's probably the couple sitting next to me.