@Ghetto_Trophy: Technically, setting someone on fire is burning calories.
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@johnbiehl: Reasons to keep spiders around 1. Eat flying insects 2. Occasional source of protein during sleep 3. We make rad webs 4. They do i mean they
@dmc1138: Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
@KingPatrick24: The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
@ArfMeasures: ME: This car's perfect except for one thing WIFE: Yes, there's no room for the childre- ME: [finds cup holder] lol I was wrong, it's perfect