@KeetPotato: technology has now advanced so far i can no longer tell the difference between people using hands-free earphones and people on drugs
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@DaddyJew: Cop: are you currently under the influence of any mind altering substances? Me: just that gorgeous smile of yours Cop: get outta here
@Tmoney68: [At microphone] *clears throat* "Salsa. Ballet. Conga. Waltz. Jitterbug. Tap." *crowd cheers* "Thanks for attending my dance recital."
@JermHimselfish: *walking away from the big rap battle* "How did he know that I'm lactose intolerant?"