@JennUflect: Teens are like the Magic 8ball of humans, they think they have all the answers & you want to shake them because what they said was stupid.
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@gogglepossum: [Alien monster is levelling Toronto] CANADAMAN: Excuse me, sir, SIR, could you stop please? SIR?
@JohnLyonTweets: I'm not saying your perfume is too strong. I'm just saying the canary was alive before you got here.
@salamingia: Boss: you spend a lot of time on your phone! Me: you spend too much time watching me. Don't you have work to do?