@JennUflect: Teens are like the Magic 8ball of humans, they think they have all the answers & you want to shake them because what they said was stupid.
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@Supafunkadunka: My daughter said she needs a bag of Skittles for a class project. Starting to get suspicious.
@GrantTanaka: me: hey, cute dog, what’s his name guy w/ dog: Robert me: Robert guy: yeah me: [grabs him by shirt] wtf is wrong with you
@VerbsRProudest: Never answer knocking at your door. It's always people. Always. Never giant chocolate bars. Only people.
@SuperRandomish: Coworker: "How'd you get that cut above your eye?" Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"