@Midgetspar: Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until Creepy Stan from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: I'M REALLY MAD AT YOU MOMMA SO I'M GOING TO BED EARLY Me: OH NO. NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Him: Ma'am, for the last time, we don't have a limit on how much liquor you can buy.
@ericsshadow: "Stop texting me. If I wanted to go on the second date, I wouldn't have stolen all your jewelry."