@Midgetspar: Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until Creepy Stan from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
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@mortimermaiden: Me: I need to go to the doctor but my car won't start. Mechanic: Did you try jumping it? Me: Of course, how did you think I broke my legs?
@lisaxy424: Hot chick without makeup: her beauty is so effortless & carefree Me without makeup: why is that very sick grandma not in a home
@truegritrumble: HER: Impress me. ME: I own a record label- HER: Ooooooo ME: er. A record labelER. It makes labels for my Abba vinyls.
@sip_at_home_mom: My son uses eating utensils with the accuracy and success of the most rigged claw crane game.