@Midgetspar: Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until Creepy Stan from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
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@AbbyHasIssues: People who say I'm hard to shop for obviously didn't see how excited I just got finding an almond on the couch.
@PissingLaughter: Fake moms- 'I never want to be away from my children' Real moms- 'You drop that pizza, I'll put you up for adoption'
@chuuew: SEA LION 1: "More like shark *weak* amirite?" SEA LION 2: "Hahaha" SHARK: "Hey guys, what ya watching?" [Sea lions jump onto ceiling fan]
@AmnesiaRose: I wish I had the confidence to just randomly sit on people and start bathing myself like my cat does.