@DanMentos: "Tell me about yourself"
Well, I'm a Canadian-
"Oh yeah? Tell me a joke funnyman"
@SharkJelly: "Hey honey"
*drags a cigarette*
"have you ever"
*drinks some scotch*
"slept with a guy"
*sucks a lollipop*
"with three arms?"
@Molly_Kats: A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes.
@WookieOnUnicorn: turns out Xenophobia is not 'A fear of Warrior Princesses'
@msdanifernandez: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: TYPHOID FEVER
@peteholmez: "I love all quilts, regardless of quality." - blanket statement