@KenJennings: "Ten years ago, we had no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash!" --cemeteries
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@john_vavra: GF: ...I'm pregnant ME: *holding a 10-piece chicken nuggets box that actually has 11 nuggets* I've also got some pretty big news
@JanieBoBanie3: I see your eyes lookin me up and down, baby. Mhmm. Huh? Toilet paper hangin out of my pants? Oh.
@sickipediabot: So Harry Potter gets an invisibility cloak.. Does he sneak in and watch Hermione getting changed? No, he goes to the library