@KenJennings: "Ten years ago, we had no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash!" --cemeteries
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@mortimermaiden: *signing sign in sheet* (to myself): This will be worth a lot once I'm famous. Hospital Nurse: Alright let's get that pea out of your ear.
@mrtruthandsoul: I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
@Burger_Time_: Every time you shake hands with a dog u r entering into a dog contract whos stipulations u could never understand
@SodomyClown: Fifty Shades of Grey instills that if a dude is sexy and rich you should allow him contractual ownership of your body because helicopters.