@abbycohenwl: Terrifying if literal: Liquid Plumber
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@stephenjmolloy: Priest: "We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of- *looks at the casket suspiciously* Erwin Schrödinger."
@Wakenbake77: Accidentally walked into the women's bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone.
@meatlobes: *waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*