@JoParkerBear: Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous. You're practically begging for typos.
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@joshcomers: Friend from out of town asked if he could crash on my couch. Had to explain to him that I'm married now, so that's where I sleep.
@hippieswordfish: when life gives you lemons, use their natural acidity to temporarily blind your opponent
@Mr_Kapowski: HR said it's not necessary but I like my sickness to be taken seriously by having my mom send in an email validating my degree of sickness