@fouadelbatrawi: Thank God for butter because without butter all butterflies would be just flies and that sounds terrible.
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@joejwest: [traffic jam] MAN: [rolls down window] Dude, why? ME: [in the next car holding a rabbit as it repeatedly kicks the horn] It's his birthday
@kwirkyKerri: There are directions with pictures on this underarm deodorant. Yet another disaster avoided.
@ARealTinderella: Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends.