@BossyBritches72: Thank God for that one person who gets on the elevator and takes charge.
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@simoncholland: [at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car
@Fruit_Slinger: I think weed is messing with my memory. I can't remember shit anymore! I think it's because weed is messing with my memory.
@UncleDuke1969: Shot pool with my 15yo son. Taught him a valuable lesson. You can restart a video game 1000 times. You can only lose your allowance once.
@junejuly12: Can't wait to watch the complex manoeuvres that will follow taking the first bite of a corn dog in the middle.