@Jazzzzzmina: Thank God I wasn't on twitter when I was in college. It would've taken me 65 years to get my degree.
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@EliTerry: I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named FIREWORKS AND VACUUMS so my dog won't find them.
@Laser_Cat: I'm sorry Mr. Simmons. I really enjoy babysitting little Timmy, but I'm only 14. I need real money, not bitcoin.
@sad_tree: She's marrying HIM?! TODAY?! *cut to me sprinting across town to stop the wedding but I see a good dog at the park and pet him instead*
@thenatewolf: Seeing the leaves change in autumn always reminds me of my Grandpa. He died falling out of a tree too.