@tanialunreal: Thank goodness I'm loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can't blame it on the alcohol.
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@novicefather: Wife: 2 is driving me crazy and I want to drive off a cliff. Me: No I need the car.
@AristotlesNZ: Him: "What kinda chameleon do you have?" Me: Karma "Karma?" Karma "Karma.." Karma chameleon "How long you had him?" He comes & goes..
@mattingebretson: I saw a woman crying on a park bench so I sat down and hugged her and whispered "please stop stealing my spotlight"