@TommyKarate: Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's.
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@Crunk_Jews: [first day as Tour Guide in History Museum] "And if you look over here you'll see a lot more really old shit."
@KentWGraham: My wife doesn't believe that auto correct changed "Yes dear" to "Hell no I'm not picking your mother up from the airport at 1am."