@curlycomedy: Thank you for fixing my bends, but why on Earth did you crack my rims?!
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@Sophie2078: Guy: I want a divorce. Me: And who are you? Guy: I’m your husband! We live together for 6 years! Me: Hmm.. No way! Are you sure?
@AmericanGent69: 4 year old twins that dress alike: aww that’s cute 40 year old twins that dress alike: ok knock that shit off it’s kinda creepy.
@sageboggs: are those elderberries? [camera pans over to reveal a bunch of berries struggling to use the internet]
@yonewt: Is it that you think I can't eat this rotisserie chicken with my bare hands while driving 75 mph, or that I won't? Either way, you're wrong.