@TheOneTrueDisco: Thanks autocorrect. I wanted her to know that I shaved my duck.
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@Demented_Jokes: I always keep a baseball bat under my bed. You know, in case someone breaks in and throws a ball at me.
@dubstep4dads: man...im so hungry i could- *i catch eye contact with a horse* "you could what?" *shows his gun* i could.. eat a sandwich "thought so."
@QwertyJones3: Sir, I see that you spelled "résumé" with the correct accent marks. Unfortunately you're just too fancy to work here at Popeye's Chicken.