@TheOneTrueDisco: Thanks autocorrect. I wanted her to know that I shaved my duck.
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@ApocalypseBnG: How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
@wittwitbarista: Unroll wrapping paper. Shoo cat away Turn to get gift Shoo cat away Get tape Dammit cat Get tape Wrap up cat Wrap up gift Pet cat
@timmartinwhy: WHAT I ORDER: French toast WHAT WAITER HEARS: If my water goes below the brim you die
@HandyJack420: The Dominos "tracker" says Ashley just left with my pizza so I only have a few minutes to get naked. Just glad it's not Brad... ...again.