@littleliterally: Thanks for the reply to my tweet from 2013, champ. I’ll be sure to take your advice.
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@awesomelocks: Woman: The bees are dying. random male: I don't know what kind of men YOU hang out with but I'M not killing bees.
@Sassafrantz: Him: She's always doing magic tricks Therapist: Is that true? Me: Check your pocket. [he pulls out a piece of paper with 'NO' written on it]
@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car as being stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the rear window are white.