@littleliterally: Thanks for the reply to my tweet from 2013, champ. I’ll be sure to take your advice.
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@BuckyIsotope: *plane starts to crash* Don't worry, Jesus is my co-pilot *looks over to see Jesus jumping out with the only parachute* Well hell
@Jimpetuous: *holds seashell to ear* [ocean sounds] [ocean sounds] ["Remember to click 'subscribe' & to rate & leave a com-] *throws shell into the sea*
@iwearaonesie: my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
@AndyAsAdjective: "Rapunzel! Let down your hair!" RAPUNZEL: Hey hair, ya wanna go get ice cream? HAIR: Yeah! RAPUNZEL: Well too bad. Because we're not.