@PinkCamoTO: Thanks to Fitbit, all my anxious pacing can be passed off as exercise.
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@Qckhd: Gets in shower Washes hair Thinks about a tweet Forgets if washed hair Washes hair Gets out of shower Forgets tweet
@Capt_Spanky: Text to wife: "Would you bring me my " and my phone suggests "girlfriend." My phone is trying to kill me.
@treydayway: I stopped trying to be a thug when I found out there was something called a caramel Frappuccino.