@SwedishCanary: Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across America join together to raise the country's obesity statistics.
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@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco
@Book_Krazy: [Dinosaur Rap Battle] We're gonna win this for sure! "Wait, what kind of dinosaurs are we again?" WE'RE RAPTORS! Jesus Christ Owen
@NicestHippo: [meeting a couple at dog park] "BARK BARK!" GF: He's usually not like this [pulls me aside] GF: Stop yelling bark bark at those nice people