@SwedishCanary: Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across America join together to raise the country's obesity statistics.
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@mstluvstrinkets: You Shook Me All Night Long is a great song that also describes what I do to my husband when he's snoring.
@jaggedape: Bear mace is like regular mace but you have to buy it at the maul... Thank you for your time.
@bellicosejason: A friend just texted me & asked for relationship advice. That's like asking the pope to name all the members of Slipknot.
@click4amanda: Officer: "Do you know why I'm standing here?" Me: "You got all C's in High School?"