@SwedishCanary: Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across America join together to raise the country's obesity statistics.
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@RamblingMachine: In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it
@UncleDuke1969: [job interview] Him: What’s your greatest strength? Me: I’m very independent. Him: … Me: … Him: … Me: Tell him, Mom. Mom: He is!
@Sleinso: I am at my most drunk when I go from chat room to chat room yelling WHO STOLE MY POPTART!!