@MamanyaDana: That awkward moment when I give a guy a fake phone number and he tries to call it in front of me.. #OhShiiiit
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@gneicco: Great. Ban gay marriage. Remember what happened during Prohibition? Now we're going to have everyone making bathtub gay marriages.
@fridaycandy: At a job interview: "What are your strengths?" "I'm an optimist and a positive thinker." "Give me an example" "When do I start?"