@SamuelHLowe: That awkward moment when someone is washing dishes and you slowly put your glass in the sink.
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@Mostly_Cheese: [trying something new] Me: I might mess this up. Friend: Believe in yourself. Me (determined): I WILL mess this up.
@DVSblast: its been 20 yrs since Celine Dion released "I'm In Love With A Boat", from the movie "Big Stupid Boat"
@ImJESSPlayin: Maybe, "only if you're taking me to dinner" wasn't the best response to, "is this going down?" to the guy on the elevator. Flirting is hard
@krisv_723: *Friend hands me their baby. I whisper* The blood so fresh & pure. It’s perfect for the sacrifice. And that’s how I get out of babysitting.
@SteveSuckington: "Here kid. I hope you like not getting laid until college because your bedroom is a giant dinosaur now." -extreme home makeover
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