@itweetmaya: That awkward moment when the garbage goes out more than you.
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@AnitaHelmet: There's a skinny girl inside me who is just DYING to get out. She stole the last cupcake & then bragged about her metabolism, so I ate her.
@ag_loco: How to keep a man happy: 1) Phone him 86 times a day 2) Wail hysterically 3) Be needy 4) Never sleep with him 5) Buy yourself shoes
@thenatewolf: ME: [forgetting the name of someone I went to school with for years] Hey… man! ME: [watching GoT] That’s Randyll Tarly, Samwell’s father.