@itweetmaya: That awkward moment when the garbage goes out more than you.
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@MartaEffing: I paid 4 the lady in front of me @ Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.
@rockymomax: [dinner] DAD: let's roast this bird ME: (to bird) the only time you ever got laid was the day you were born DAD: haha nice
@Adam14: I use my teethbrush then go play feetball and commit arms robbery. Just giving you a head up. - people with the right amount of body parts