@kwirkyKerri: That awkward moment when you can't decide if it's just a bad pic or you really look like that.
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@AntiSemanticShw: I think the hardest part about being a cashier is telling the girl buying 3 pregnancy tests to "Have a nice day"
@huntigula: WIFE: You know, you're my best friend! Am I your best friend? ME: [subtly exchanges knowing glance with our dog] Of course you are, sweetie
@catcerveny: As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son's love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
@OrigamiUndies: Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, "excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"