@kwirkyKerri: That awkward moment when you can't decide if it's just a bad pic or you really look like that.
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@warmyellowlight: some days I'm all [sound of a fluffy cloud violently smashing into a mountain] other days I'm [sound of crocodiles gently eating a mitten]
@AndyAsAdjective: I can't prove it, but from the sound of it, I'm pretty sure there's an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher.
@JasonLastname: Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow
@dyldonot: [first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows