@CarolinaSong: That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, "my shirt smells like you" & you misspell shirt
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@adler_chris: Do not let #FyreFestival refugees into the country. We cannot risk it if even ONE of them has been radicalized.
@mattZillaaaa: A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story
@OnlyFastEddie: The closest I've ever come to winning anything was that time I got picked from a lineup at the station.
@RxitWounds: *Sits straight up in bed* "THE CHILDREN" *Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*