@CarolinaSong: That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, "my shirt smells like you" & you misspell shirt
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@thenoahkinsey: I don't have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason.
@tlcprincess: Man reading a book: hot Man with a baby: hot Man reading a book to a baby: hold me back my ovaries have exploded.
@blade_funner: "You suck." "No, you suck." "Really, you suck." "Please, you suck." "You suck, I insist." -- Polite vampires.
@PorkUrPine: Me: *delivers fantastic presentation* Fish Boss: great work! Me: thanks for letting MINNOW what you think! Fish Boss: you're fired.