@CarolinaSong: That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, "my shirt smells like you" & you misspell shirt
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@OrigamiUndies: Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, "excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"
@lloydrang: Things i use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
@OtherDanOBrien: Mugger: Gimme yer wallet & don't do nuthin dumb Me: That's a double negative, my friend. Unlike Romance languages, English - hey, come back
@KattsDogma: "I'm sorry I named my daughter 'Paige.' It seemed funny at the time." - a confession of Nat Turner