@CarolinaSong: That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, "my shirt smells like you" & you misspell shirt
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@ShittyComedian: When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.
@notacroc: *Japanese Zen garden tour* Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the- *Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U
@OhNoSheTwitnt: On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance.