@awkwardphilippe: That awkward moment when your date says she has a hair piece but later you find out she was saying herpes.
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@JasonLastname: First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air.
@DamonHunzeker: Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird -- I didn't even know horses could live underwater.
@KenJennings: I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI.
@RamblingMachine: The worst part of having to kiss someone is when the coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.