@texasstalkermom: That awkward moment you run into someone in public that you know, and there is nowhere to hide.
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@KevinFarzad: People are often shocked when I tell them I'm single because I scream it at them while sliding open their shower curtain.
@kelkulus: Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you.
@DaddyJew: Legend has it that if you don't look a coworker in the eye they won't stop to tell you about their weekend.
@ericsshadow: I get all my indisputable political facts from what my uncle Harold posts on Facebook. Like did u know Obama killed the last living unicorn?