@texasstalkermom: That awkward moment you run into someone in public that you know, and there is nowhere to hide.
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@markydoodoo: GF: that spoon is still dirty ME: but I just got it out of the dishwasher GF: I can see the mayo on it ME: yeah but it's clean mayo now
@Storminika: During labour, nurse came up to me & said, 'How about Epidural Anesthesia?' I was like, 'Thanks, but I already picked a name.
@Sourcoast: Turkey bacon is a lot like normal bacon except that IT'S NOT AND IT NEEDS TO GO BACK TO HELL, WHERE IT CAME FROM.
@FrenulumBreve: [romantic dinner] her: "I was hoping it might just be the two of us." ventriloquist dummy: "he said I help with his confidence."