@realHamOnWry: That crazy moment when you smell roast pork, but realize your heated car seat is set too high.
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@joejwest: ME: [leaning over toilet] Hold back my hair YOU: Ok ME: [drinks from toilet like dog] YOU: You've made your point I'll wash up some glasses
@InternetHippo: FARMER: The storm destroyed half our crops TRUMP: Have you thought about taking the existing crops and just sort of combing them over th
@SaraMansford: Things I use my car for, from most to least: 1)Tweeting while parked 2)Snacking 3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy 4)Driving
@specialsquid: "Hi, my name is Gary and I'm a shopaholic, my favorite place to shop is the alcohol store."