@hell_homer: that lonely feeling when you oust your ex as mayor of your genitals on foursquare
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@PFTompkins: Jurassic Park III on AMC. 10 min. in, 2 young scientists studying dinosaur fossils. FOSSILS. Hey, 'member how THERE ARE ALIVE DINOSAURS NOW?
@sixfootcandy: (Breaks car window to save a dog) Guy: I'm in the car! Me: Yeah but it's hot Him: The AC is on! Me: Can I get in? It's really hot out here.
@RobocopLust: 911: 911. What's your emergency? Me: I'm bleeding profusely. 911: Sir, this line is reserved for joke formats. Me: ...