@PariCalvia: That moment when you leave a store but don't buy anything, and you're telling yourself, "act natural, you're innocent."
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@withanewname: [breaking up with girlfriend via the jumbotron] "Hey, check out the scoreboard while I grab a hot dog."
@shutupmikeginn: Can't wait for the first bad thing to happen in 2017 so I can post "what is this, 2016?" Ha! Today an on duty seeing eye dog growled at me.
@shutupmikeginn: Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it