@PariCalvia: That moment when you leave a store but don't buy anything, and you're telling yourself, "act natural, you're innocent."
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@Book_Krazy: *Condom Co* [ok, don't let them know ur a frog] "Any ideas how we can make our condoms more pleasurable for her?" ME: Ribbit "Genius"
@JaneBadall: My twittercide will be like the final scene in BraveHeart but a doughnut will fall from my hand in slowmo instead of an embroidered hanky.
@letschillyo: iPhones need a feature where an incoming call doesn’t take up the whole screen so u can do other things while u ignore a phone call
@TheLeslieMommy: Old lady across from me in ER waiting room just asked me, "So are you sick?" No, I'm just here for the free CNN.