@SkinnerSteven: That old expression: "hold the phone!" doesn't work anymore because everyone is already doing that
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@internetluke: Jeff is here! "Jeff from work or Jeff the guy who announces his arrival anytime he enters a room" Jeff is here!
@MartaEffing: [1st day in heaven] God: Welcome! Have a taco and a shot of tequila. Do you like music? Me: Yeah. G: How about a little, *giggles* Nirvana?
@brynnester: [Restaurant] Waiter: Would Sir care to choose his lobster? Me: There's only 1 in the tank & he's holding a sign that says 'I have a family'
@kwirkyKerri: You said you wanted a video of me eating a banana. Nothing about me not slicing it. YOU'RE WELCOME.