@brunopieroni: That show "Catfish" should just be called "People Who Have Never Heard of Google."
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@_knuck_: *peeing in the urinal at McDonalds* *turns to the guy peeing in the other urinal* "So, what did you order?"
@MomOfTeen: Me: I need to lose my baby weight. Diet coach: Awww, how old is your youngest? Me: Thirteen.
@LuvPug: People on Facebook really lose their shit when you comment on their hospital check ins with 'Glad you're not too sick to post your status'
@RandomBest: "I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.