@Dani_Feld: That's it. The next time a relative asks me if I have a boyfriend, I'm going to say "no, I'm just sleeping around".
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@JJSummertime: It is snowing perfect snowball packing snow right now, so I was wondering if anyone would like to walk slowly past my house?
@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver. Yes, "Bring weed, bro"
@WalkingOutside: Shout out to whichever childless person invented toys that erupt in an epic sound and light show when you toss em in the toy box at night.
@TheCatWhisprer: I could never be a starving artist because the first time I got hungry I'd be like that's enough art.