@Dani_Feld: That's it. The next time a relative asks me if I have a boyfriend, I'm going to say "no, I'm just sleeping around".
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@XplodingUnicorn: When my Internet is down for more than 2 minutes, I assume Western civilization has collapsed so I start looting.
@Mr_Kapowski: 8: I'm scared of monsters under my bed Me: You should really be scared of spiders that will lay eggs in your ear 8: MOM! Wife: ZACK!
@simoncholland: My credit card was declined and when I called Visa they asked me to verify that I was a 39 year old man buying a unicorn frappuccino.
@SoVeryBritish: How to fix something: -Say "let's have a look" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say "nah it's broken" -Place hands on hips