@bobbiejo448: "That's Superman, that's Batman, and that's Cyborg. If you won't call them by their names, I can't play with you anymore." - me to my 5yo.
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@_SingleBabyMama: Some girls look like they've barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that's been doused by a fire hose.
@shhrugg: If I was hanging off a cliff for my life and you told me to take your hand I would stop screaming to tell you I'm afraid of intimacy
@jenlaw_11: Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat
@KenJennings: I don't really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids' history textbooks.