@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
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@IAmKatieOrr: "Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
@n0tblonde: If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black.
@Sean_Burgundy_: When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot
@SheeeRatchet: Black girls twerk, Hispanic girls hip roll, Indian girls belly dance & white girls watch.