@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
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@mallelis: we put a man on the moon but we can't keep him there. he keeps coming back. you stay on the moon. you stay there.
@sploosk: ME: I need to pee really bad TEACHER: can you hold it? ME: probably not. my hands aren't very good at retaining liquid
@Jake_Vig: ME: Siri listen very carefully. I need you to quietly dial 911, and... SIRI: I HAVE FOUND TWO RESTAURANTS WITHIN 5 MILES OF YOUR LOCATION.
@sad_tree: *A demon tries to posses my soul while I sleep but can't because he's choking on all of the axe body spray I'm wearing*