@UNTRESOR: The average time it takes for an elderly woman to get her ringing cellphone out of her purse is 11 days.
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@LMLMadness: Last night I did Crossfit for the first time and now I understand why those people always look so angry.
@DanMentos: "If you're having girl? Problems. I feel bad. For you? Son." -Russian guy telling his pregnant wife he hopes it's a boy.
@NotthatAdamWest: Jean shorts on men should be called Danny Dukes. Or Daisy Dons. Or maybe just Poor Life Choices.