@ExcuseMyTweets: The Bank of America app randomly disappeared off my phone and now I'm wondering how much money I spent last night.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Wear green for St Patty's Day! You don't wanna get punched! -You mean pinched [flashback to the 6 people I punched earlier] It's pinched?
@timdonakowski: My new career path: 1. Learn soccer 2. Move to Ghana 3. Become the Jackie Robinson of Ghanaian soccer
@BuckyIsotope: Nude Descending a Staircase is both my favorite work of art and the most common entry on my criminal records.