@TheCiscoKidder: The beauty of a text message is that it transcends time. You respond at your leisure. Unless it's from your wife, then you have 30 seconds.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RealSamHarwood: A homeless man randomly asked me if I was from Minnesota yesterday, so I replied, "no, but once I stabbed a guy who grew up in Minneapolis"
@TheTweetOfGod: It's not that people use only 10% of their brains, it's that only 10% of people use their brains.
@Sickayduh: DAD: You know, no one in this city is allowed to be buried in that cemetery ME: Wtf why not? DAD: Because *locking eyes* they're still alive