@Iwriteforcats: The best part about being a comma is that you're usually followed by a nice big BUT.
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@billwurtz: if you mash a potato and then change your mind, just mail me the mashed potato and i will un-mash it and send it back
@JohnLyonTweets: Those "free hugs" people sure do get upset when you ask them what $20 will get you.
@causticbob: I saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, "Is he on standby?"
@novicefather: My wife is addicted to goji berries but I wish she was addicted to something cheaper like cocaine.