@Glynner85: The best part about having a muppet for a best friend is that when you're done singing songs, BOOM free oven mitt.
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@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
@Bripping_Talls: Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn't read the entire article.
@steveolivas: If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?