@Glynner85: The best part about having a muppet for a best friend is that when you're done singing songs, BOOM free oven mitt.
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@blaudiablogan: Guy asked me where I got my green eyes. Great! Now I have to explain what the Vikings did when they got to Sicily.
@volks__: Doctor: Any cancer in the family? Me: My mom is a Sagittarius, but I'll have to check on everyone else. Doc: ...
@MUMSIEesq: 3YO: MOMMY HELP HELP! ME *throws cat off lap, drops phone, spills coffee on self, runs up stairs, kicks open door* 3YO: I want a snack.
@SortaBad: Waterskiing is fun. I wish there were more sports where machines just dragged you around