@Smug_Lemur: The best part about talking to a narcissist is how there isn't any pressure to add to the conversation.
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@MartaEffing: *hears suspicious noise in backyard, is too lazy to get up & investigate* *smells cookies baking at neighbors house, immediately goes over*
@juliussharpe: Facebook's "People you may know" should be called, "People you definitely know and have been avoiding".
@daemonic3: I'm going to run errands, need anything? "Yes, some new light bulbs" Why, our current bulbs are too heavy? "And a good divorce lawyer"