@Smug_Lemur: The best part about talking to a narcissist is how there isn't any pressure to add to the conversation.
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@InternetHippo: Me (bumping into someone): Oh no, I’m sorry. Sorry. So very sorry Talent scout for brand’s social media job: Young man, what’s your name
@yoyoha: If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone
@ericsshadow: My wife ordered a pizza from Papa John's but I saved a step by throwing up before it got here.