@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
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@IamEveryDayPpl: Sometimes I pretend I'm picking up lunch for the office even tho the KFC workers can clearly see me eating that bucket in their parking lot.
@burnie: Interviewer: what qualifies you to be an Uber driver? *Candidate tells rambling 5 hour story* Interviewer: you're just what we need
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Watching my mom use an iPhone is like watching a 12 year old girl try and contact her dead grandma on a Ouija board.