@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
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@Brianhopecomedy: If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, "Contact Him" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB.
@One_FineMess: Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.