@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
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@GrabTheWEness: If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I've never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
@Jen_Up_: I just said, "who the hell is calling here at 9 o'clock at night?" and I died a little on the inside.
@carlyken: Reporter: so what is it like being in Maroon 5 when you're not Adam Levine, um Mr. Uh- *quickly googles for his name but google has no idea*
@onion_an: Kids: Dad why have you never taken us swimming [thinking of an excuse because I can't swim] Me: I got killed by a shark once