@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
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@Phantasmagoriax: If I ever die, my phone better go with me or there will be some pissed off people at my funeral.
@PanettaSexyTime: This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
@TheMichaelRock: CW: It's gonna get cold! Me: You're gonna die. CW: Excuse me? Me: Sorry, I thought we were pointing out the obvious.
@junejuly12: [First Date] Me: *licks corner of napkin* Me: *dabs at his cheek* Him: ............... Me: Sorry. Force of habit.