@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
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@AimeeHelene1: Me: Do you want anything from Chipotle? CW: Yeah....just surprise me. Me: *comes back with no food* SURPRISE!
@chadchaines: [phone makes noise] [gets giddy about how popular I'm about to feel] Oh. It's an email about car insurance. [quietly dies a little inside]