@Laser_Cat: The best thing about algebra in high school is that it's in high school and I'm not.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Her: I want to fulfill your deepest desire. Me: *gives her recipe for my mom's peach cobbler* The crust is the most important part.
@TeaAndCopy: ME: I'll see you in a month WIFE: Don't forget to write ME: It's highly unlikely I'd forget such a basic skill, Sharon
@notalogin: You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It's the celery of pets.
@aimlessamers: English, if I ran it: A group of geese is called a "group" A group of buffalo is called a "group" A group of catfish is called a "group"