@TheBoydP: The best thing about eating healthy food is all the incredible food you eat an hour later because you're so hungry...
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@hippieswordfish: ME: i thought i saw a new color today WIFE: wait- is this..are you.. M: but it- W: oh no M: was just- W: dont M: a pigment of my imagination
@Brampersandon_: GF (from 2nd floor window): either the trampoline goes or I go! ME: It ... was ... nice ... knowing ... you
@sofarrsogud: [Watching Star Trek with my date] ME: *leans in* It's called Star Trek but the stars don't actually go anywhere.