@zbinski: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
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@DanMentos: One time in 1997 I forgot to close my air quotes so everything I've said since then has been sarcastic
@Fickle_Filly: Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet.
@BoozeWallet: I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos.
@215potter: To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds... Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.