@mrtruthandsoul: The best thing about sitting next to the white guy with dreads on the bus is no one thinks you're the one that farted
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@StellaRtwot: Instagram better not use my cloud pics. THEY'RE MY CLOUDS GET YOUR OWN CLOUDS ZUCKERBERG!
@One_FineMess: A cig takes 7 minutes off your life A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life According to my calculations I should have died in 1812
@Naggalie: I ordered a coffee and the barista asked what size. I told her size didn't matter. We laughed. Then she gave me an extra large coffee.
@Carbosly: I hope zombies will come from Mexico. After eating their way through fat Americans, they'll be like "Sorry little Canadians. We're full."