@mrtruthandsoul: The best thing about sitting next to the white guy with dreads on the bus is no one thinks you're the one that farted
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@thatdutchperson: [at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: have you exercised at all in the past? *flashbacks to holding my gut in for the past ten years* ME: totes
@AnOrangeSNES: Apparently just because I have the "mind of a child" I'm not allowed to sit on a Santa's lap. Also it's "illegal" to carry a brain around.